Title: The Blair Witch Project [Movie, R]

Directed by: Daniel Myrick, Eduardo Sanchez

Summary: Three college kids: Heather, Mike, and Josh from some town in Maryland, travel to the bigger Maryland town Burkittsville [once known as 'the Blair Township'] to shoot a documentary about the ever-popular Blair Witch legend. At first everything's fine, but then some creepy schnafe starts happening...

Rating: ***/*****

( This review is fucking rated R+ for fucking strong language. )

Conclusion: I really like the concept of this movie, that the three filmmakers get lost and only their video footage is ever found again, and it was kind of clever how they made it into a documentary-style. But.. it was so DECEIVING. It kind of seemed real until it said who the writers were and how wikipedia tells me it's fake. The actors (who's names really were Heather, Josh, and Mike) would improvise a scene, and then if they liked what they had improvised, they would keep it into the movie. Some people may be wondering why I abused the word "fucking" in my review. That's because The Blair Witch Project abused the word during the whole movie. Seriously. The whole movie. At random and unnecessary times. Anyway, it wasn't TERRIBLE but it could have been so much better if it had been in an actual movie format and not a low-budget documentary style. The idea does work really well for, say, a fanfiction, however...

-B.M.

Listening to: "Don't You Know Who I Think I Am?" - Fall Out Boy Tags!: bee, blair witch, fucking, movie

Title: I Now Pronounce You: Chuck and Larry [Movie, PG-13]

Directed by: Dennis Dugan. Released July 20th, 2007.

Summary: Adam Sandler and Kevin James star in this controversial comedy. The two are firefighters but after a firefighting accident, windowed Larry (James) wonders how long he has to live, and who will protect his kids when he's gone. The solution is to pretend to marry his best friend and fellow firefighter, Chuck (Sandler): Mr. February and a major whore among the girls. People get suspicious, and investigation of the law begins.

Rating: *****/*****

( OMG RIGHT HERE )

Conclusion: Brilliant. It perfectly depicts the abuse homosexuals endure for no reason at all. This movie is not a slur at homosexuals, but more like a way of showing how putting people down for a stupid reason is wrong. I laughed a lot at this movie, and though it probably should have been rated R for all of the sexual content and nudity, I found it inspirational. I found it wonderful. I was searching for everything that might be offensive while I was watching, and all I found were gay jokes that were spread across the entire movie. But they weren't to make gay people uncomfortable: They were to prove a point. That for some reason, gay people are the target of humiliation, and that they're targeted every day. Everywhere. I feel that it should be required by law for every homophobe or homo-hater to see this movie. If this movie doesn't change a homophobe's mind about their actions, nothing ever will.

-B.M.

Listening to: "Bleed It Out" - Linkin Park Tags!: bee, chuck and larry, movie

Title: So Lyrical ["book"]

Author: Trish Cook

Summary: Trace (short for Tracey, because two syllables are too many for the average reader) insert last name here is the daughter of a former groupie and who she can only assume was her mother's last rockstar-related one night stand. This is Trace's journey to discover who her father was, while having the world's most shallow, one-dimensional friends and relatives, and being almost as shallow and 1D herself! How fascinating.

Rating: */*****

Review: Under the cut, as usual.

( IT'S LYK ~*~*~SO LYRICAL, GUIZ. SERIOUS BUSINESS. )

Conclusion: Flat, shallow, stereotypical characters. A stupid, far-fetched plot with too many distractions disguised as subplots. Oh, and some romance that nobody cares about, that ends up TOTALLY FINE despite fatal flaws in the whole relationship. It's not funny or charming. It's just... bad. One star. Zero if I could. Blah.

-D.M.

Listening to: hit me baby one more time/dresden dolls&bden urie Tags!: book, dee, one star, so lyrical, trish cook

Title: I Am the Wallpaper [book]

Author: Mark Peter Hughes

Summary: Floey Packer, a thirteen year old Suegirl from Rhode Island, has always felt invisible and un-extraordinary- especially next to her older sister, Lillian, who is spontaneous and popular and has a ferret named Frank Sinatra. But when Lillian gets married and goes on a month-long honeymoon with some guy named Helmut, Floey sees her chance to shine. She dyes her hair purple, becomes more daring, and takes up Zen Buddhism. Little does she know, her sudden popularity isn't the result of her random rebellion, but because her evil cousins have been posting her diary on the Internet! Oh noez! Whatever shall we do?

Rating: ***/*****

Review: Under the cut, as usual.

( It's not fun being wallpaper =( )

Conclusion: It has a nice, original plot, until the very end, when some plot holes the size of yo momma show up. Every character is a one-dimensional stereotype, but I like the main character, Floey. In fact, the only really bad thing is the very end, and the dialogue. The only really good thing was... er. Nothing. But that's okay. Three stars.

-D.M.

Tags!: book, dee, i am the wallpaper, mark peter hughes, three stars

Title: License to Wed [Movie, PG-13]

Directed by: Ken Kwapis. Released July 3rd, 2007.

Summary: Sadie (HEY! THAT'S MY DOG'S NAME!) Jones is a naive Sue who is in love with Ben, a Stu, but also a dork. Even though Ben wants to get married in the Carribean, Sadie wants a wedding in her family church. However, there's a creepy reverand in charge of the church that says in order for them to get married in three weeks, they must first pass his marriage school! Oh noez!

Rating: *.5/*****

( REVIEW! )

Conclusion: Don't waste your money! It was a terrible use of 1.5 hours that I'll never get back of my life. I should have walked out when I saw that there were probably only 6 other people in the theater we were viewing at. We invited a BOY to come see it with us too and I was like "Oh, a boy wouldn't wanna see it, it's a girl movie," but it's not even a girl movie! It's a suckfest. I was texting my friend who was sitting right next to me during the whole thing because it was that damn boring. Since I was texting the whole time, I had to look at Wikipedia and ask people who were with me what happened while I was writing this review. Just... don't. Don't see License to Wed. Don't even rent it when it comes out. Just... don't.

-B.M.

Tags!: bee, ken kwapis, license to wed, movie, one and a half stars, one star

Title: Ratatouille [movie]

Directed by: Brad Bird, Jan Pinkava. Released June 29th, 2007

Summary: From Yahoo! Movies: A rat named Remy dreams of becoming a great French chef despite his family's wishes and the obvious problem of being a rat in a decidedly rodent-phobic profession. When fate places Remy in the sewers of Paris, he finds himself ideally situated beneath a restaurant made famous by his culinary hero, Auguste Gusteau. Despite the apparent dangers of being an unlikely - and certainly unwanted - visitor in the kitchen of a fine French restaurant, Remy's passion for cooking soon sets into motion a hilarious and exciting rat race that turns the culinary world of Paris upside down.

Rating: ***.5/*****

Review: Under the cut, as usual.

( Yay )

Conclusion: It's very... mature for an animated movie from Pixar, but it still feels like a kids' movie. The animation is amazing, the voice actors are okay, and the story jumps around randomly with the characters shoved in and out of difficult positons far too frequently. Overall, it's good... but its flaws do take a star and a half off the total. (And I'd write more, but I have to get ready for the Fall Out Boy concert).

-D.M.

Feels like: blah Tags!: 3.5 stars, dee, movie, ratatouille, three and a half stars

Title: 1408 (movie)

Directed by: Mikael Hafstrom. Released June 22nd, 2007.

Summary: Mediocre author Michael Enslin spends a night in a haunted hotel room, ever the skeptic. What he finds, however, is bad room service and a broken air conditioner! Oh yeah, and a tragic past that comes to life once again in room 1408.

Rating: ***/*****
( CUT )

Conclusion: There weren't enough details to make the plot clever or plausible in real life, but it was okay, and at times it was scary. But only when things jumped out randomly and you could laugh for being startled by it minutes later. It was a good movie to point out everything wrong with it, like those mentioned earlier. However, if you enjoy watching a man destroy hotel rooms, suffer from weather conditions indoors, and drive himself mentally insane all in 94 minutes, this movie is for you!

-B.M.

Tags!: 1408, bee, mikael hafstrom, movie, stephen king, three stars

Title: Oh My Goth (book)

Author: Gena Showalter

Summary: Two girls- the gothic, individualist Jade and a stereotypically shallow girl named Mercedes- get trapped in a virtual reality world where their roles are switched dramatically. Goth becomes the norm for the entire world, making Jade the trendy popular girl, and putting Mercedes in a position where she's different, a "freak" like Jade is in the real world. Jade and Mercedes must forget their differences and work together to get back to their world. Oh, and Jade likes some Mysterious New Guy, of course- this is YA.

Rating: **/*****

Review: Under the cut. Lyk zomg!

( REVIEW! )

Conclusion: Jade and Mercedes are shallow, one-dimensional characters based on stereotypes; Tall, Dark, Mysterious New Guy and background characters aren't much better. The plot is flawed and barely pokes beneath the surface at times. But it's still charming and it's not terrible, so two stars.

-D.M.

Feels like: annoyed Tags!: book, dee, gena showalter, oh my goth, two stars